Spectator in a Crowd

Recently I went back up to uni to meet up with my fellow ex student friends to remember amazing times and try be them 18-21 year olds we once were.

There I was stood in O'Neils waiting to buy a drink. As you do, I took a glance around to check out the talent (if any). That's when I spotted my type - All Saints/Indie, that clean yet unshaven look a good height and just all round yum.

Obviously having to take drinks back to my friends I thought I'd come back to tackling him later.
Well there I was catching up with the uni clang that I forgot about Mr Hot Stuff until we later got into Roper.

Once again I'm stood at the bar (yes a lot of alcohol was consumed that night) I took a glance around and who do I lock eyes with, Mr Hot Stuff from O'Neils. All of a sudden I'm thinking, "awkward"- what do I do he is still staring. I can't look away - in fact I don't want to! He then gives me that acknowledgement nod and smile in which I wave back and smile only to then be interupted by my friend giving me my drink. Damn! I've lost Mr Hot Stuff again!

Stood in my group of friends Mr Hot Stuff is walking towards us struggling with shots and drinks. In my nervous disposition he glances at me and shrugs with his cheeky look, his body language reading," Look at all these drinks", in which I reply: " Need a hand sure I can take them off you!" His reply back then ends up being a laugh and another gleaming smile.

Am I in there? - I know I didn't follow just kept staring at his ass. Nice ass he had! I whisper to my girlies as you do tellling them of him. One of them as discreet as she is (not) started pointing at him and saying shall I go pinch his arse or better still tell him you think he's hot.

All of a sudden memories of school playground antics come back into view and I realise I'm not 12 anymore I'm a fully grown woman at 23. I grab my friends arm dragging her back and say how I'll approach him later.

I didn't approach him later every time I saw him he was with a different girl, then I wondered if he was a student and if so ew he will be younger than me. So instead I stood in the distance constantly exchanged smiles with him and thought that I wouldn't ruin something that looked so perfect by him talking. - Well this is the excuse I told myself to cover in me bottling it!

Too much too soon? or a case of "just not that into you?"

Sat across the room at my friends from this amazingly hot guy and I realise he is staring back at me. I feel all my christmas' have come at once! Who ever thought I would get someone interested in me who looks like they've stepped out of a model catalogue.


Heading to town we start speaking he asks me the question of; "are you single?" My reply, "yes".
Gaping at him I obviously ask the same question back, getting the reply I was hoping for.


The only catch I later find out is that he has only been out of a long term relationship for 5 minutes, this was actually the first time he'd been out since their split.


After a couple hours of flirting and me trying to appear disinterested, he disapeared only to not be seen again.


Good old facebook, inbox, 1 message.
Oh look its the guy apologising about his disappearance but also telling me his interest and giving me his number.


I pondered a reply, I debated taking his number, I mean he'd just come out of a relationship, did I really want to be his rebound despite how hot he looked? - I went with no.


Couple of days later there I am sat on facebook and he pings me.


"Hi did you get my number?" (I had obviously not text him)
"Yeah"
"Why haven't you used it?"
"Donno" (all the while thinking rebound rebound but thinking so bloody hot! Why wouldn't you!)
It resulted in me getting a guilty conscious and handing over my number.


Well I'd say it was a good month of excuses and texts between us, as well as some same place same time drunken chats and his friend and mine saying give the guy a chance (again still had rebound engraved in the back on my mind) before we went on our first date.


All went well, great first date (obviously because I planned it) but what guy wouldn't be impressed with getting to play fifa at the end of their first date.
I'd like to say I totally kicked his ass but this wasn't so. I did however on Mario Kart! I'm not a total damsel in distress!


We kept meeting up and hanging out obviously we shared more than just your standard chat and the whole rebound flag in my head had been completly burnt and not thought about again.


Amazement even struck with him when a shopping trip occured and he was allowed to take charge. There was I playing coat hanger outside the changing room offering the "ooos" and "ahhhs" and "that looks good", instead of him (yes guys I'm pretty spectacular!)


I guess I should of clicked it wasn't going to last when his dad asked if I was a dental nurse! In which I had to reply no and thought to myself my job isn't even close to that.


Me being me I swept it under the carpet didn't even ask questions to the guy about it and proceeded.


As they say, how the new year starts it will probably follow through the year.
Well mine started with a quiet front from the guy which proceeded even quieter around my birthday.
I did receive a birthday text but no birthday appearance. This is when I knew it was getting called a day.


"Too much too soon."


His response when he finally broached the subject a few days later.


Since it came to an end I have found out in the month he was texting me to try to convince me otherwise he was seeing someone else that, I managed to accumalate as a bit of a pass through stalker. She played the 20 questions game with a friend of mine and apparently was pretty happy to find out I'd not been successful in keeping him around either.


I like to think I wasn't another girl on his list and that he was "into me" but that I will never know. Saying that, I do understand the whole "just come out of a relationship" as we have all been there. - His real motive I will never know.


If there is anything I would recommend to others and note to myself for future reference, I would advise the following:


1. Rebound flag leave it up
2. When their dad/family member asks if you are a dental nurse and your not, or anything close to, maybe alarm bells should start ringing!
3. In future make sure they're out of a relationship for at least 8 months as this is a substantial amount of time for them to possibly not use the relationship card as a get out clause.


Or maybe... He's just not that into you! In this case... Me!

"If I had 6 months to live would you marry me?"

At work I got asked the above question by one of the lads on my team.
My response to him, harsh I know, was:

"Well, I don't have 6 months to live which means I get a wider choice to select from, so why exactly if I'm not the one dying am I going to settle for you?"

His response:

"because you'd technically be making my last 6 months a happy 6."

Personally I would class this as a chat up line, a pretty bad one, as:

1. The fact he wants to marry me before we've even dated, a bit extreme.
2. Again, where are my benefits from this scenario.
3. Would it really be happy, cleaning up after a dead man walking?

Fair enough if I did love the guy and then obviously everything would be beneficial for me, but I'd known him not even a month and here he was guilt tripping me into marrying a dead guy.
Talk about playing on my heart strings!

He did however leave me a great get out clause! I was left to do deadline on my own as he was a no show,  (and no, this wasn't because he was "dying") in response I left him a nice constructed post-it note stuck to his computer screen. "Thanks for leaving me in the lurch, I am now heartbroken from it and any signs of us getting together are now sadly gone!"  - Brilliant for me!

He now doesn't work where I do but every now and again will drop me a text or a Facebook message pushing his luck and referring to himself as my husband.
I thought he would of been dead by now being 6 months down the line, obviously the "illness" he had didn't take effect and he is now beaming with health waiting to be my fully fledged husband.

Well I defiantly think he can keep on dreaming!

I would just like to clarify that this is a hypothetical situation and this guy isn't going to die.

A dangerous drive. New way to find a date?

I got my new car about a month ago now and not even 24 hours of having it I nearly sent a guy flying off his bike, (by bike I mean push bike).


I would however, like to blame the car that was slowly creeping out of the inside lane on the roundabout which resulted in my view being blocked. As you do though, I began to follow the other car out, followed the car a bit too much, as out of no where a guy comes flying round the roundabout swerves to just miss the rear end of my car to come in quite close contact with the pavement!


In such a fluster I abandoned my car and went running to his side only to get graced with "Fuck off" which I guess was half deserved! Later once he'd calmed down and I was in a stupid amount of shock we got talking (well, he did to try and calm me down) and I found out that he'd moved to Peterborough and doesn't particularly like it, where he worked, what his name was and a little show off detail, "I'm a pro biker so that's why I'm fine."
Whilst chatting I must of slipped in a few facts about myself due to my shock, as I recall saying it was my last day at my job and they were all probably thinking I just couldn't be bothered to turn up for my last day!


Well panic over, so I thought, he put me in my car and asked me for a pen, at this point I asked if he would like my insurance details to which he replied "no" (he was quite a gentleman to be fair) instead he gave me his email address for work and told me to send him an email when I got to work otherwise he would worry because of the amount of shock I had seemed to of developed.


This left me laughing in a reply of, "I nearly hit you but your the one checking up on me" and then off he went on his bike and off to work I went.


I did think it was a bit odd having his email address and a bit worried he may later want my insurance details. There would be me the ex student skint as anything working a temp job to get out that stupid overdraft forking further into it for a "near miss". Me being me however, (not rude, has a guilty conscious) I put my keyboard to work and sent him an email in which I thanked him for his concern and apologised for my stupidity as well as notifying him I'd made it to work. This all consisted of around four lines.


About half an hour later I received an email back from bike man consisting of three paragraphs! He told me of his injury but said he was made of steel. He then went on to make me feel better (well this is what his aim was) by telling me of accidents he had been part of where he actually was hit. To conclude his email he again told me he was built for endurance and then said how; "once he had calmed down, to have a near miss with what turned out to be a beautiful woman was actually a good thing in his day."
Did I email him back? I'm afraid I didn't.


1. I'm not too sure on whether the email would of led to a date of some sort in which case how do you act around a guy you could of potentially killed?
2. If we were to date and it ended badly would he then want my insurance details?
3. I just don't think he was my type. (In fact I know, I couldn't remember what he looked like so with the name off the email I tracked him down via Facebook, as you do, and checked him out!)


Sorry Mr Bike man if you read this. You were a gentleman, just not mine.

I'm Outing You All... Well you ones "In a Relationship"

Since being single you wouldn't believe some of the guys that have come out of the wood works!


I wouldn't laugh so hard if they were single and worthy of a text or Facebook message but when I get a message pop up in my inbox of, 
"You are looking good these days" (oh great so you saying I looked like my arse before?) you kinda can't help but laugh when you click on the link to their profile and their relationship status equals, "In a relationship with..."


This leaves me thinking, "I'm sure you wouldn't be any longer if I forwarded this email to her!"


Do guys have a problem of keeping their dick in their trousers for more than five minutes?


I do wonder if I said to them, 
"yeah ok I'll meet you for some "fun" "
whether they would end up running a mile never to be heard from again!


The conversation that most intrigued me was from a boy I used to go to school with. 
I remember having a crush on him in year 8 and in the end we became pretty good friends until sixth form. 
Anyway he's being going out with the same girl for around six years now and after seeing him out one day he spoke to me on Facebook chat. 
At first I thought it was all innocent, just a general catch up, until he asked me if I was looking for "fun" (that word again). 
So as you do, I reminded HIM that he had a girlfriend and wouldn't she disagree with his "fun" - his explanation being;
"I haven't been with anyone else, I just want to make sure I'm with the right person." 
Great way to decide mate, I'm sure she would agree when you tell her this is the reason you want to spend the rest of your life with her. - (because the other girl just wasn't good in bed - which I like to state this is not true!)
After all this lovely chat I had with him (not) and I had rejected him (poor boy still only had one shag) he asked me not to breathe a word (yeah thought I'd just publish it here) and then had the cheek to delete me off his friends list!!

The Facebook Dilema...

I’ve always dreamt of Mr Right and when I went to University I thought I found him. After three years of what I thought could be the rest of my life, I got dumped and Facebook stalking commenced!

This may make me sound possessive, insane and totally unstable but you can’t tell me I’m the only woman that does this.

My three reasons of Facebook stalking an ex:

1. Knowing his every move
2. Wondering if he is missing you as much as you do him
3. Seeing if there is a new girl in his life

In the many months after my heartbreak I found I was constantly refreshing the news feed and clicking on his profile link, what made me think that it would change in five minutes I don’t know! He hardly went on Facebook when we were together!

Why we women have the Facebook stalking urge baffles me. It just ends in further misery, as what we’re searching for is signs of him moving on.

There’s the innocent photograph (that us, as the broken hearted ex likes to conjure the worst story possible in our heads) of him and another girl you haven’t ever met in the three years you were together which means she MUST be someone new in his life. Then there is the new girl he “friend” added into his social life that you hope when you click on her link she has no privacy settings what so ever so you can start to Facebook stalk her if they get too friendly! 

I used to log in and out of Facebook chat to see if he was online. If he wasn’t then I either told myself it was because he;

Had a life other than me/he’s dating again/he’s not miserable like me.

(Delete, as you feel appropriate).

If he was online it was a whole different story! I would sit at my laptop my heart in the pit of my stomach contemplating what I would say if he spoke to me (which I knew full well he wouldn’t) and then arguing with myself as to whether he should speak to me first or if I should just bite the bullet and risk getting ignored when I said that simple word of “hi”.

All I’m trying to say is your not alone. You’re technically not;

Insane/possessive/totally unstable.

(Again delete, as you feel appropriate).

I like to think it is just our odd feminine ways to get over our ex and possibly see they’re not all we thought them to be and that if they can move on so can we.

It’s not the end of the world, I like to think I have many more guys to add to my,

“I’ve stalked you” list to go yet! Jokes. 

Relationships vs Singledom.

As long as I can remember I have always been in a relationship. It's just the way it has turned out. I always said I wanted to stay single when I split from ex after ex after ex but it just didn't really work out like that. Now I am single and the whole dating game baffles me.

Earlier I was speaking to a friend about relationships vs singledom and she made the comment of how she finds dating harder than when she was in a relationship.

Personally I think there are pros and cons to both.

With the dating scene I definitely feel like I have to be on top form 99% of the time (the 1% allows the guy to see that you are still human and have slip ups!)

This means always looking immaculate, choosing the right things to say; instead of useless, irrelevant things and saying the wrong thing that either,

a) makes me look stupid 
b) offends someone
c) wasn't needed to be said.

Then there is the dilemma of whether you go dutch on bills or expect him to pay or worst still does he expect you to pay?

Do you give him a kiss at the end of the night? Does he want a kiss at the end of the night? Do you want to give him a kiss at the end of the night?

All this being said, learning about someone new, having that little rush of excitement inside as someone likes you and the not knowing what is to come, leaves you buzzing.

Then there is the relationship.

At least in a relationship you know where you both stand and you can drop the standards slightly as your boyfriend will know what you look like with messy hair and no make up and tatty clothes and not care because he is with you for you. You can talk about who is paying and your little comments that in the past would have done either a,b or c just makes him think you're cute. At the end of the night you also know that the last thing you want from him is to be kissed and to give him a kiss.

All this being said I wouldn't even know how to approach a guy anymore to get a date in the first place. Taking this all into consideration, I think my dating woes can happily sit there in the back of my mind. I'll just sit back and enjoy the single life for the time being and if I get approached by someone who is worth my questions and my 99% form then I'll take it as it comes.